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The Connection Corner

Welcome! This website was created as a memorial to my daughter, Claire Sandra, who passed away on October 28, 2010. Today, it is also a connection place for those who are living with or who are interested in learning more about Infertility and Infant Loss. All of the resources included here can help you learn more about Infertility and Infant loss. If you have a personal connection to either of these experiences, remember: You are not alone. Find support, stay connected and you will persevere.

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

What my Readers Have to Say

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My absence from this website was purposeful but the consequences to my emotional well-being were unintended. I had forgotten how comforting comments from my readers were and how much happiness I received knowing that Claire’s memory lived on in people all across the country. My husband reminded me that the purpose of her website was to raise awareness. I wanted to raise awareness about Claire, about PCOS, about Cervical Incompetence and about infant loss. Hopefully, I will gain more strength so I can continue to work on these goals and make Claire proud.

There are reminders of Claire’s absence everywhere but most of them are controlled by my husband and I. We placed the photographs around her house, we chose her Urn, we chose to keep her nursery intact. These are reminders that we choose to live with so that we may surround ourselves with the memory of our daughter.

The unexpected reminders are the ones that are the hardest. In February, I received a sample pack of Similac formula. I also received a Pottery Barn Kid’s catalogue and a subscription to a Parenting magazine. The formula was hurtful because it was sent in anticipation of my due date. I continue to receive emails from baby shopping sites no matter how many times I click unsubscribe. Inevitably, I read a novel or watch a movie that involves the death of a child and I can’t help but be reminded immediately of Claire.

I wonder if my entire life will be filled with these unexpected reminders and how my reaction to them will change over time. To that end, I try to focus on creating memories and keepsakes of mine and my family’s own choosing. The reminders that are created specifically for Claire are the most important ones and the more I have of those, I feel the less affected I will be by all the others.

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4 comments to Reminders

  • I agree, the unexpected reminders are the hardest. I will think I’m doing ok, then a song or show or book comes along and I’m not ok. We received our Similiac sample as well, in early March. Our “mailbox” is a set of mailboxes with a key in our neighborhood. If you get a package, you get a key in your mailbox. I had emailed Similiac a couple of weeks before and asked them to please take me off their lists. So, when the key arrived in my mailbox for a package, I thought it must be some sort of something from someone I know since I wasn’t expecting anything. When I opened the mailbox and saw “the box” it was like I’d been punched in the stomach. (Or, something similar to the “grief slap” you described.) My initial thought was that I would just give it to someone, but I can’t bring myself to because it is Aurora’s formula. She may not have used it (our plan was to breastfeed), but it was still hers.

    I hope it helps you to know that reading your experiences and seeing that the things I am feeling as a mother with a child in heaven are not strange, unwarranted, or completely out there – and that I’m not alone in these feelings – has been a blessing. I also hope that I can give you some comfort in knowing that for as long as I remember Aurora (which you know I will never ever forget) that I will also remember her friend Claire.

  • I can remember getting those emails that told me of what my baby would be doing at this stage..umm…how do they know what they are doing in Heaven? :) I used to get so upset, and I still do when I get coupons in the mail for food or formula that would be appropriate for Aubree at this stage of her life. I even got upset yesterday when someone (who knows better) blatantly forgot about her..she made the comment that you really pop out much quicker with your third baby..umm..She was my third! I get even more annoyed when people spell her name incorrectly or act like I can move on now because I have another baby on the way..She is my daughter, and I will not be able to move on from her nor do I want to! I wish I could say that the reminders (such as the Pottery barn catalog) will never go away. It stinks no matter which way you look at it. Just know you aren’t alone, and that even if time does heal some things it isn’t going to take away those reminders of the children that we love and miss so much..

  • Thank you for sharing. The quick reminders are the hardest. Now that I have another child people are always asking me if he’s my first and rather than go into all the details with a total stranger, I just say, “Yes, he is.” But in my heart I think of my first son who is no longer with us. They aren’t with us physically, but their memory will never be far.

  • Thinking about you and your little Claire….Hope you are doing okay. I am sure it’s hard for you to read our blog now, but just know, that you will have a sweet baby to hold safe in your arms.

    Thinking of you…..

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