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The Connection Corner

Welcome! This website was created as a memorial to my daughter, Claire Sandra, who passed away on October 28, 2010. Today, it is also a connection place for those who are living with or who are interested in learning more about Infertility and Infant Loss. All of the resources included here can help you learn more about Infertility and Infant loss. If you have a personal connection to either of these experiences, remember: You are not alone. Find support, stay connected and you will persevere.

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Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday was not the first holiday since Claire was born, but it was the first holiday that I had expected to share with her. I have a yellow Easter outfit hanging in her closet, and a beautiful daughter who will never wear it.

I’ve noticed that my grief over Claire has begun to shake it’s angry fist at me more and more. I am having more difficulty containing it and more times than not, I feel like I am a bottomless pit of sadness. Somehow just being present in this world feels wrong. Everything I touch, I know Claire cannot. Everywhere I go, Claire is gone. I cry every time I see her crib and wish I knew what it would feel like to put her to bed and watch her sleep.

One place I find some measure of peace is in the glider that I purchased when I was only about 6 weeks along with Claire. When I was pregnant, I spent a lot of time relaxing in it and I would imagine what it would be like holding my daughter, nursing her, and rocking her. Later, when her nursery was assembled, I positioned the glider next to her crib and I would gently rock back and forth and look forward to the day that I could see her asleep through the wooden slats.

It’s my only happy place since losing Claire. Or, as close to happy as I can get in a place I am surrounded by all the hopes, plans and dreams that evaporated when she died. Through out it all, I continue to be amazed by my own daughter’s strength. By the fact that she fought so hard to survive and I find myself sending prayers to her to help me. Claire fought in the face of sure tragedy and I feel like I need to learn to do the same. I hope that one day I can come to peace with our loss, but until then I let whatever emotions are there come to me, confident that there is a process even when I start losing faith that there is a greater plan.

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3 comments to Easter Sunday

  • It is unfortunate that we go through phases where we think we are doing much better, but then we fall backwards into a really bad phase where we don’t feel like we can go forwards anymore. I know that there are still days even 14 months later where I feel like the air is being sucked out of a room sometimes..Praying for you, and hoping that the glider continues to provide some peace for you.

  • Sending hugs and love your way.

  • Sydney!

    I cannot find a way to contact you other than to respond to your post…

    I was just looking over my NYE posts from the last 2 years and noticed a message from you! My website has had SO many glitches and one of which is that I don’t always get notified if someone posts a message so you will have to forgive me for taking a whole year for thanking you for reaching out.

    I look forward to reading about your Claire… both of our sweet girls, same name, same birth month. Ahh…

    I wish you a year full of comfort, peace and love.

    x <3 o

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